Obesa-Obscura

It’s been a bit now, hasn’t it? I must apologize for my absence these past few months from DeviantArt (and really just from the internet as a whole). The past few months have been…a lot. That’s one way to put it. I’ve had art ready to post for months now, but I haven’t found the energy or focus in me to publish anything. My work has been draining me, and my (university-educated) coworker walked out on us last week without warning, leaving me with so much work that I’m not equipped for. It’s been taking a lot out of me trying to pick up the pieces as well as balancing so much. I’m also trained for this line of work, but it’s a lot to have to keep track of. I haven’t spoken much about this publicly, but I’ve also been working on a major writing project outside of DA and the internet that has been having numerous difficulties the past few months. This project was intended for official, paid publication but thus far it’s been tortuously slow to complete. The thing itself is done. It’s been done since December. The problem is that the two separate beta readers I’ve hired have not been able to deliver satisfying results to me and took *ages* to submit subpar materials to me that really don’t help this project at all. I want to go to copy editing so that I can go forward with final publication, but this is taking far too long and it’s been making me particularly depressed. I spent four years on this project and I can hardly get anyone reliable to actually look at the fuckin thing. It feels immensely disheartening and it’s been killing my writing mood severely. And then lastly, a close family member had a child this past December, and while I’m glad for them, I also feel very melancholic about the whole thing. I feel a lowkey dread about what this child will have to face in the future, given how uncertain the world is now. I channeled that sentiment into my writing project, ironically enough, but hadn’t expected to deal with that situation so close to home. And I guess to top it all off, I’ve been feeling some…uh…mixed feelings regarding personal kink stuff as well. Not in a “I want to quit this” way, but more just feeling so preoccupied with IRL things that I’ve neglected a lot of the online side of things. It feels like lately in that department, things have been far more IRL-driven, and it’s in competition with my attention with my own work. Not really sure what else to say there. To be honest, I did briefly consider leaving DeviantArt back in late December. I felt like I’ve been spread too thin by so many different things, and so many of those things have been leaving me feeling tired and unfulfilled. I don’t want to just let the account of a billion years sit there and rot, but this new year is proving to be one of the hardest ones ever to keep motivated for. There will be more art in the future, trust me, but right now I just feel tired. Just, of a lot of things.